Family Story

I was home for four weeks. It was Winter Break and the solaces of being home had found a place in my life once again. That year it was different though. Things weren't as bright. I returned home to remember that my grandparents were living with us through the Winter months to escape the Minnesota chill: their presence affected all of us in some way. "I know it is a little hard to have them around," my mother would tell us in one of the rare moments of quiet, "but they love to see us...They love it here." I asked what good that is for if they are the only ones enjoying their trip. 


I answered the phone driving home late one evening. My mother's words quickly sent me into haziness. Sam, my brother Jeff's best friend, had a sudden brain aneurism a few hours earlier and was being kept alive by life support only until my brother's hockey team returned from Denver. The coaches were waiting until after the game to tell my brother and his teammates why Sam was not with them to play.


My hands shook slightly, a gentle stream of tears rolled down over my lips. Jeff didn't know yet. He is the most important person in the world to me, and on the brink of tragedy and out of my reach there was no way for me to protect my little brother. Throughout the night of being at the hospital, seeing Sam's family, and crying with strangers, my thoughts were focused only on Jeff. The first time I saw him after the news I pushed through the crowd to find myself in his arms, squeezing tightly, feeling his chest heave with sobs. He had not cried in years. In that embrace I sent all of my love to him, trying to let him know that in all uncertainty, he can at least find solidity in the company of his sister.


The next week was a disconnect. My parents and Jeff did all that they could to help Sam's family after that night. We kept busy as an attempt to keep distracted, but were all faking composure and retreated into ourselves. My grandparents felt the need to interject as well, to participate in the grief, and took it upon themselves to become involved in the funeral. My brother was a champion enduring consistent questioning from my grandparents asking if he was alright, and giving him scripted comfort like "Well, he is in a better place now." In a tragedy that was something that my family shared, it seemed insensitive of my grandparents to force themselves into the heart of the issue. That was the problem for the time following Sam's death: my mom, dad, brother and I needed to confront the pain as a family but my grandparents left us no room to do so, so we each shielded the reality of our emotions.


This pattern finally broke at the burial. My brother stood blankly with the other pallbearers by Sam's family as they lowered the casket. Staring at him, I was reminded again that I was powerless in my desperate desire to take Jeff's pain away. There was nothing I wanted more for him. As the crowd began to disperse I turned to hug my parents silently. Moments later we saw Jeff walking quickly towards us with fresh tears covering his deeply sorrowful expression. He shrunk into us and my parents and I wrapped around him with our heads tucked together. I found my brother's hand and clutched it sturdily. Twenty minutes passed and none of us moved or said a word. It was finally the four of us, experiencing the rawness of our feelings, weeping, snot covered, huddled in the snow. We remained still and were eventually alone. Our grips slowly loosened, and we drifted back to our cars. 


We have never talked about that afternoon, but we walked away from that situation a different family. We were equals. We saw each other not as parent or child, man or woman, but merely as a human who struggles, who can't fix every problem, and who needs others. Prior to that day we had never shared such intense love and companionship all together, and I carry that moment with me every day. 

Slice of Life Script

A man and a woman sit across from each other at a small table outside of a coffee shop. They shift uncomfortably in their seats and stroke their coffee cups to fill the lull in conversation. 


"Yeah but like I said it wasn't right anyways," the woman said.
"I don't even like gold. I had it for like three years and it was turning like, yellow."
"Really?" the man questioned.
"Yeah, with the oils and everything. What was yours? Solid gold?"
"Uhh, yeah kind of. It's hanging up somewhere. It's all beat up."
The woman quickly continues on. 
"I had ordered Chad's ring, but it didn't come in time for the wedding so we went to Walmart and bought like, a titanium one. I was like hey this is a ring to put on your finger."
The man perked up and suddenly seemed more engaged with interacting with the woman. The awkwardness of the silence has disappeared. He gave his side of the topic. 
"I had my mom's ring to give. It's a diamond. Like, A DIAMOND. I got a smaller one."
"Way smaller?" she asked.
The man responded "Yeah I mean it was like, I got it like really really small. And it definitely like, sparkled."
"Yeah that like my uh, my wedding and engagement band, they were smaller but completely flawless. It was always really really sharp," she paused, "I used to always tell Ted too on anniversaries or anything be like you know, because I never got a real proposal, propose to me like how you envisioned you would have proposed to me." 
The conversation quickly trails off, and the man and woman lean in for a prolonged kiss.

Dream Scenario part II

Anxious from the alarming encounter, the girl and her dog decide to move faster: neither of them wanted another disturbance. The path begins to steady decline which is a restful change from the earlier unpredictable hills . The jagged cliffs hovering over the pair seem to soften, and the forest trees slowly spread apart from one another. 


The dog, recovered from his worrisome emotions, sees the changing landscape as an opportunity to continue exploring. The dog's confidence cheers the girl up, who unclenches her muscles and embraces the urge to swing her arms freely as the clunky hiking boots on her feet hit the ground. Before long the trees and rocks have shifted dramatically and the girl realizes they are in the middle of a vast wheat field with the mountains left far in the horizon. 


Despite the drizzle, the wheat emanated golden light which created a sickly green colored sky. The tall crop made it difficult for the dog to keep track of the girl, however they could feel the buzzing line of energy between their eyes which would readily lead them back to each other. As the dog continued to roam through the open space, the girl gazed upward to see clouds billowing directly overhead. The drizzle turned into large puddly raindrops. The girl was perplexed to see that the water did not fall to hit the ground but hovered above the wheat in mid air. The clouds continued to spew floating spheres of water which began to clog the open space. 


Soon, the girl lost visibility and could not see more than a few feet in front of her. The spheres of water pressed against her skin, and it became harder to fill her lungs with each passing breath. She tuned in to the energy she felt from her dog, who she could feel was somewhere behind to her left. She did the best she could to duck between the stalks of wheat and evade the multiplying raindrops as she shuffled towards the dog. The golden light shining through the water made it impossible to see, and the entire field was now an acrid mustard color. The girl held her breath and shuddered at the thought of water filling her lungs. Blindly she continued on as quickly as she could, following the line between her eyes and the dogs. Finally she felt his warm fur, and climbed inside the dog's stomach as he opened his mouth wide. 


The girl took a deep breath to replenish her longs, and gave the side of the stomach a tender pat. She was safe now, and took comfort in the fact that they could now travel more quickly since they didn't have to depend on the girl to walk. She couldn't see outside, but it felt like the dog was swimming. The sky must have flooded, the girl thought. She settled down into the warmth of the dog's stomach for the rest of the journey.


The girl perked up when she could feel the rhythm of the dog's movement returning to a walk. The dog let her know that they were finally there, and opened his mouth for her to climb out. They were high on a mountain again, but it was made entirely of large slabs of stone. The air was cool and crisp: the sun was low in the sky and they took a moment to admire the first clear view that they had seen for days. They then got to work. The dog knew the exact spot they were looking for, so the girl pulled a pick axe out of her canvas sack and began to chip away the rock with his direction. 


Just as the sun touched the horizon they uncovered their find: the girl pulled a silver dish that had been fossilized in the rock and gently turned it over in her hands. The dog was focused with much intensity, he had been waiting so long to see the dish. With that, the girl pulls a bottle out of her pack, sets the dish down in front of the dog, and fills it with water. At the sign of her smile, the dog laps up every last bit of water, wagging his tail ferociously. The sun sets, and the pair settle down to rest for the night before they begin the journey home in the morning.

Dream Scenario

A girl trudges along a rainy mountain side with a large dog by her side. She wears a canvas bag, and plain clothes that cling to her skin because of the drizzle. She walks slowly, not seeming to be in a rush but deliberate enough to make it clear that she has a destination already in mind. She looks weary, her eyes slightly cloudy from thinking too much, or an inability to cope with a discouraging event. 


The mountain lies directly next to a coast line. The water is a stormy grey, and waves crash against the rocky shore just violently enough to make the girl nervous. The dog is not on a leash and wanders slightly to explore the muggy surroundings but is careful not to lose sight of his owner. 


The girl gasps and stumbles as she looks ahead to see a grotesque creature a ways ahead on the path. He has set up camp and appears to be living directly in the path that the girl must take. Crude weapons lay within his reach, and his slimy skin, grunts, and harsh demeanor make it clear that he is not to be fooled with. She urgently catches the attention of her dog who runs to her side. They deliberate the situation, and try to find ways to get to the other side of the troll's station. The terrain makes it near impossible to scale the cliff on one side of the path, and the water is far too rough and cold to swim in. 


I can just be very quiet and slip through the trees, the girl thinks. But upon sign of any movement closer to the path, the troll growls, and scans the woods for any intruders through his slit eyes. The quiet approach is out. The girl can feel herself beginning to panic, she knows that they won't bode well in the rainy night if they don't keep moving. 


She and the dog move slightly towards the shore to find a safer place to collect themselves. As they settle down, she peers over a ledge of rocks and sees a pathway made of large stones that have been placed in the water to create a loop that takes them to the other side of the troll's hideaway. Thrilled, the girl carefully makes he way along the large loop unseen by the troll. The dog follows, but does not need to go on the rocks and simply stretches his torso across the gap to reach the other side and the pair continue on their way in the grey and the rain.